I’m just a girl.

I had debated posting on this topic for a while now. This blog tends to be pretty simple in that 98% of my content is food related or pictures of my feet. I tend to shy away from hot topics and controversy to keep things breezy.

friends_breezy_monicaBut the past few weeks 99% of my personal conversations have been about one thing that is not so sunshine and roses: the sexual assault allegations against Jameis Winston (FSUs quarterback). He was officially cleared of all charges and the case was closed last Thursday but leading up to the decision there were lots of rumors and accusations…mostly towards the female accuser.*

As an FSU fan, I wanted none of the allegations to be true. I wanted Jameis to be Famous Jameis that brought FSU out of years of craptastic seasons and into a National Championship in Pasadena. As a woman, I was pissed that people said things like “What did she expect inviting him back to her apartment?“. No means no, always. It means No at the bar. It means No after being invited inside to a girls bedroom.

I also heard the argument that “Girls don’t understand how mens’ minds work when they see someone dressed like that“. My response? I don’t give a shit.

Are guys so powerless that they just can’t control themselves when a girl walks by in a short skirt? How do they possibly contain themselves at the beach? Or, even more so, at a strip club? No one would ever excuse a man walking up to a girl sunbathing with her friends at the beach and forcing himself on her, so why is it accepted if a girl is dancing with her friends at a bar in a low cut top? Over the years SlutWalks have grown in popularity to protest against explaining/excusing rape by calling attention to a woman’s appearance. It is time to end the perpetuation that a victim can bring rape upon themselves.

Growing up I never really thought much about double standards and gender roles. I was told that I could do anything, be anything, and to shoot for the stars. And I believed (believe?) it. But as I get out ‘in the real world’ (wherever the hell that is), I constantly feel like I am living in No Doubt’s Just a Girl song.

Yesterday while waiting for the press conference and the decision about whether or not Jameis would be charged I came across the video below that was a perfect collection of what I’ve been feeling the past few weeks (years, even) and think its something everyone should take 2minutes to watch.

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Video Link

Let’s make a deal. Let’s stop bashing women. Let’s support one another. We’ve got enough people tearing us down, let’s build each other up.

**This post is focused on my thoughts on the topic and conversations I had leading up to the decision being made to not press charges on Winston, not this specific incident. Only the people in the room know exactly what happened that night and I will trust that the state attorney followed the proper steps and reached a well informed decision.

 
No questions today. Just share your thoughts.
…And don’t worry, I’ll be back to regularly scheduled programming with cheesy puns and running playlists soon
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About runnergirleats

I run. I eat. I blog. I love all things red velvet.
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11 Responses to I’m just a girl.

  1. Thank you for posting this. This is definitely a topic that needs to be discussed. I especially loved your comment about men at the beach around women in bikinis– it’s a brilliant comment and completely shuts down the belief that women dressing to go out “bring rape upon themselves.” I stand with you on this issue 100%.

  2. Lea says:

    Thanks for sharing. I’ve got a little experience in sexual assault response and getting the point across to people is like herding cats. 95% of the men you talk to have not, would not, will not ever rape or assault a woman and it kind of offends them that you have to keep talking to them about it.
    I don’t know why we, as women, want to blame each other for these types of things, when it could happen to anyone unfortunately.

  3. jade says:

    Thanks for posting this. People so rarely seem to even acknowledge this side of life in the blog world. And most bloggers I read are women…? Any of us could be that woman because you are right, she didnt do anything to deserve being assaulted.

  4. Nora says:

    Great points–I especially like the sunbathing comparison. Men are considered the “strong” gender most of the time; the only time they’re referred to as weak is to excuse bad behavior. How convenient! And the judgement women go through because of fashion choices….I can’t even think of a similar situation where a man is judged based on clothes. Ridiculous.

  5. Sigh I don’t know if the media will ever change…although I think some things were taken just a little too literally like Seth McFarland’s Oscar thing about boobs. I think the worst offenders, or the ones that drive me most insane are women on reality shows like the bad girls club who just treat each other like garbage. WE are the ones who need to unite with each other. Is this entertainment? I guess so…someone has to be watching it for it to be on the air. Also “rewarding” dumb people on reality TV who just don’t seem to contribute anything worthwhile. It’s a heated subject for sure.

  6. The double standards for men and women disgust me. I HATE that men think they can yell terribly obscene things at me when I’m running by in a sports bra and shorts, because they think I am dressing like that for attention. I have been lucky enough to have dated very respectful men, who seem to understand that “no means no.” Even after you’ve been intimate with someone once before, no means no if you don’t want to do it again, even if it’s just one evening.

    I also don’t agree with the viewpoints who support spousal rape. Just because someone is your husband/wife does NOT mean that you can control their sexual expression.

  7. I just had the longest FB debate ever on this. I posted a link to the article on the charges being dropped and stated that I thought it was “F’d up” that the attorney dropped the charges when the victim still wanted to press.

    So many people – mostly female – responded in defense of Jameis and tore down the victim was a liar. One of my good friends joined the conversation; she has been raped…more than once, actually. And her stories have changed multiple times because of fear, shame, and PTSD. It took her years to even admit to anyone besides her closest friends when had happened. So to me, the changing story and the questionable police report aren’t signs the victim is a liar; they’re signs she’s distressed.

    The fact that women are so quick to jump on others and shame them for being sexual creatures makes me absolutely sick. Thank you for posting this. I agree; we need to support each other and give women the benefit of the doubt when it comes to rape, because false accusations RARELY happen, and the percentage of victims who actually come forward is so slim.

  8. Betsy says:

    Thank you so much for posting about this. I’m a rape crisis counselor and I constantly people talking about what women should do to keep from getting raped. Why not teach men how to not rape instead of blaming women? We need more people like you bringing attention to subjects like this. Thank you!

  9. Patti Smith says:

    I shared this video on my FB this morning and my 15 year old nephew commented, “Oh, no, Aunt Patti, not you too…”
    I’m exhausted.

  10. Cathy says:

    Agreed.

  11. Carson says:

    This is something that has been on my mind lately, as well. The fact that the media has attacked this girl just goes to show that our society isn’t as forward thinking towards feminine issues as it thinks it is.

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